At a collegiate university, your college is basically your personality, identity, and source of all awkward small talk during Welcome Week.
Seriously, nine times out of ten, the first question you’re asked is “which college are you in?” You will endure the slandering of Derwent with an eyeroll, try to dodge the posh private school allegations when people learn you live in Constantine, and ignore the pitying looks you get when you reply with “Halifax”. After enduring the 40-odd weeks of those random 3am fire alarms, questionable flatmates, and countless fines due to the grim kitchen, some inexplicable bond between you and your college has formed that no one can break. But most importantly, you’ll miss that fresh adrenaline rush from a first-year night out. So whether you are a Wednesday Salvos warrior, Sunday Revs enthusiast, or just prefer a chill one at Stone Roses, this is how your night will go based on which college you call home.
Alcuin
You begin with some casual drinks at Courtyard, maybe walk to the Charles XII for some wholesome chill vibes and drinks. After that, you’ve probably had enough for the night, but you might be feeling particularly passionate about disproving the ‘boring nerdy’ Alcuin stereotype, so you begrudgingly brave a Friday Salvos that you probably leave early in favour of some cheesy chips at Salt and Pepper.
Derwent
Starting off the night with pres in your very crowded kitchen where you proceed to get way drunker than you anticipated. Despite this, you power through because the night is young and you’re a first-year living in the ‘most fun’ college in York. You stumble onto the U2 bus and proceed to continue the night at the trusty Postern Gate Spoons, where you knock back four shots for £6.50 (what a bargain) and maybe even a pitcher if you’re feeling daring. Making your way to the newest club in town, Circuit, equipped with a lush Pink Room, ball pit, and free photobooth. You spend the rest of the night jamming to the overrated but iconic pop music and have a mild drunken panic attack attempting to find the exit with all the staircases and identical rooms.
Vanbrugh
As the self-proclaimed ‘artsy’ college, you have a certain reputation to uphold. You wouldn’t be caught dead sweating in Salvos or chugging pitchers in Spoons because that would be the opposite of the cultured, lowkey, and mildly pretentious college. You’re not here for the chaos – you’re here for the culture, and that’s why you start off the night in the iconic Stone Roses bar, with its urban interior, neon signs, and oldies but goldies music. You repeatedly claim you’re not there because it’s a tourist attraction, you’re only there for the ‘real music’. After you’ve soaked up all the cultural superiority of Stone Roses, it’s time for your favourite club night – a good old Indie Tuesday at Ziggy’s, where you bump into half your seminar group while screaming ‘Mr Brightside’ on the dancefloor and promise them you’ll be at the seminar in the morning (you won’t be).
James
The night begins strong; necking a bottle of cheap acidic wine or cider in a brightly lit seminar room assigned by your sports society, the stifling air and fluorescent light elevating your deliriousness. After much debate on the bus, once again you decide on the trusty Spoons for some more drinks before making the gruelling walk to Salvos, shivering in whatever flimsy themed costume you had to make for your social this week. Wednesday Salvos is where it’s at, the Jason Reily tunes are blaring, the VK buckets are flowing, and the team spirit is strong; you decide to show your appreciation for it by creating a mosh pit on the bottom floor to Chase & Status’ ‘Baddadan’. You think to yourself “what a night, I can’t wait to do this again”, well you’re in luck, because you have 22 more weeks of this to go.
Halifax
Tucked away in the most remote part of Campus West and lovingly (most often pityingly) referred to as ‘The Village’, you live in your own little bubble. The trek to your lectures is your workout for the week and the bus has not turned up more times than it actually has, so whenever that weekly night out rolls around you are READY to venture out into civilisation. Pres is usually a bit of a logistical nightmare – none of the people you invited knows where Halifax College is, let alone be able to find it in the dark, so you end up piling into someone else’s college kitchen with a dodgy speaker and some questionable cider from Nisa. When it’s time to head out you choose Popworld, an unpopular choice, but who doesn’t appreciate £1 shots, sticky floors and a painfully slow revolving dancefloor? In a way it reminds you of your college: underrated, slandered, and so underwhelming that after a while it actually becomes enjoyable.
Langwith
If Campus East has a party reputation, it is all thanks to you. Pres in your shiny kitchen, equipped with flatscreen TVs, cosy sofas, and the backdoor leading to the outside tables, should be considered the main event. The music is pumping, the alcohol is flowing, and the game of ‘ring of fire’ is getting good. Glasshouse is your warmup bar due to its convenient location and by the time Saturday rolls around, there is no question – it’s Salvos or nothing. You convince everyone that it is way more wild when there isn’t a student night on and you board that U1 bus with an infectious case of Saturday Night Fever. You’re the loudest one on the bus, the last to leave the club, and the first to agree to Sunday Revs the following night, even though you’ll be deathly hungover. Party College of the East? Absolutely.
Constantine: People who end up in this college are usually there because of two different circumstances. One: all your other choices were filled up and you ended up here by default – dodging the posh people and in crippling debt due to the extortionate rent. Two: you wear vintage Ralph Lauren to your seminars, have a double-barrelled surname somewhere in your family tree, and probably went to private school. Whatever your circumstances are, you do enjoy an iconic, chaotic, but slightly pretentious night out. You start the night off with pres in your disgustingly gorgeous kitchen, where you break open the brand new bottle of prosecco a family member gave you as a farewell gift. Friday nights mean Underground Ziggys, the place to prove how down to earth and in tune with the commoners you are by rapping along to Drake while clutching a double vodka cranberry. Out in the smoking area, you’ll inevitably fall into a passionate debate about who ‘found themselves’ the most in Bali on their gap year, while reminiscing about your aspirations to become a DJ, even though you’re studying a degree in Philosophy.
Goodricke:
“Wait, which college is that again?” you hear for the tenth time during an awkward attempt at small talk. Your nights out are lowkey, chilled, and underrated – just like your humble abode. Pres are literally at any other college (someone please donate sofas to Goodricke kitchens). Budgeting is an extreme sport to pay for that ridiculously expensive but shockingly average for Campus East accommodation, so you decide upon a Wednesday Flares because of its free entry yet surprisingly good music. Chill, cheap, and cheerful: the perfect night.
Anne Lister
You start your night out classy: 2 for 1 cocktails at Dusk or a bottle of rosé in someone’s fairy light covered kitchen, where you proclaim over and over again how much you “needed this night out”. It’s a Thursday, so you are religiously at Flares, where you and your flatmates scream every word of Taylor Swift and Chappel Roan to your hearts’ content. The whole thing feels a bit like a girls’ holiday repackaged into student life in the best way possible. Whenever I remember that boys actually live in that college, it’s a mild shock all over again because in everyone’s minds Anne Lister is for the girlies.
David Kato
You can hardly keep the satisfied smile off your face when you tell everyone which college you’re in, because you know it’s the one EVERYONE wanted. Your nights out reflect your college: modern, quiet, affordable – but still fun. Starting off at The Lowther, which is underrated compared to The Stone Roses next door but still has good vibes, cheap drinks, and a loved playlist. Making your way to Revs where you enjoy the variety between the two dancefloors, the six for £6 flavoured shots, and the sweet air conditioning that all the other clubs lack. Sunday Revs is not just a club night, it’s a lifestyle, it’s a mindset, it’s what sets you up for the rest of the week.
Wentworth
Nice try. Their idea of switching off is the ten minute silent walk between the college and the library, where they spend all night hunched over their laptop and having a severe breakdown trying to figure out how to do five hundred pages of reading, three essays, and a dissertation in four hours. Don’t do a postgraduate degree guys, stay a fresher forever.