When you’re an international student, sometimes the holidays just feel like more days away from your family. If this is your first winter away, you’re going to be okay.
The dreaded seven words: “Are you going home for the holidays?”. It’s a nightmare hearing them, and it becomes much worse as the conversation drags on. The conversation dies as I give my honest reply: “No, because I cannot afford it”. What would other international students in my similar position say? Maybe they’ve been at university longer than I have, so they have the art of dodging that question. I haven’t learned yet, and I don’t want to lie. Maybe I should start lying.
Becoming an international student was an easy choice, but a difficult journey. I didn’t anticipate how much I would miss home, especially since I am in a position where I cannot afford to return. This has shocked many students to whom I’ve expressed this. My favourite reaction was a student gasping out, “So you won’t see your family for three years?!”
Yes, that’s exactly what that means.
The reality of it only sank in as the leaves became more damp and orange. The streets of York are now covered in brown mush as workers frantically prepare Christmas decor within the city centre, which has become one of collective winter chaos. I hear the excited chatter among my peers every day now. I’m happy for them, but among the sea of wealthy students who can afford to go home every consolidation week, I imagine there are plenty who are in a similar situation as I am. Unable to go home, spending their first winter thousands of miles away, realising that Christmas becomes another day when you haven’t built a community quite yet—then suddenly it’s half past 3 and pitch black outside.
What does it mean for international students to reclaim their first winter? Perhaps you’ve felt down and have struggled to find community. Maybe you’re wondering if coming to university was worth it at all, if it meant being alone and away from familiarity.
If no one has told you yet, deciding to study abroad is a very tough decision, and you should be proud that you’ve made it. There will be days of doubt, but you have made it. Whether you’re here only for your course or for the foreseeable future, you can find the life you want for yourself while at university. What are your goals for the end of this year? What is the plan to ensure you feel comfortable and happy during the dark winter? When you feel unable to pull yourself out of the mud, it’s important to speak to someone. There is no shame in talking to someone, like the international student support, about your feelings.
In the end, what truly matters is action and taking responsibility for your life. Joining a society, going to the pub, attending a free event—these can all boost your mood and allow you an opportunity to discover yourself and connect with others. While I find that making friends can be difficult, the best person I can be is me, wholeheartedly. Sincerity is a greater treasure than gold, I’ve learnt.
Allow yourself to embrace it imperfectly. You’re not always going to feel overjoyed. Life is not perfect, but this winter does not have to be one of loneliness.
Enjoy a hot toddy, browse the overpriced Christmas market, and make an effort to show up for yourself, just like you did when you decided to study abroad.