GS: Hello, Velma! It’s great to meet you. So, just for the uninitiated, can you explain what you do?
VC: My background is musical theatre: I started doing musicals when I was 14 in York… (laughs) I know, I’ve only been doing it a few weeks! Then I went to theatre school until I was 19. After that, I was in the West End for a lot of years in London, doing musicals such as Cats and Fame, Chicago, Rent… Lots of different shows in London; tours around the world. But when I was in Chicago, which is in the West End, I was playing a role called Mary Sunshine, which is a drag role. Then I went out with some friends in drag from the other musicals, for a laugh.
When we went to this drag club in London, which is really iconic, called Madame Jojo’s – it doesn’t exist anymore, sadly – I got asked to do a number when I was there. So I did, because I was drunk. And then they said, would I come back the next week and do the same thing? And that was 16 years ago. And I’ve been doing my Velma act ever since.
I do comedy and I sing. My thing is singing, impressions, and just being a lovable, hateful, dancing, singing clown.
What better life?
Yes, exactly!
The word ‘drag’ is said by some to come from Shakespearean stage directions: as women could not act and men took on female roles, an abbreviation “D.R.A.G.” was added in for ‘dressed like a girl’!
I see you’ve performed in the UK and around the world. Where has been your favourite place to go and perform?
Oh, well, I was in Australia last week, and I was doing my show on a super yacht around an area called the Kimberley, which is the north section of Western Australia. That’s all full of sharks and crocodiles and lots of things. So I was doing my show on board that boat, which was amazing.
I was on there for two weeks, got back last week and did the rest of my UK tour, which was in Southampton and then the Isle of Wight. Then I came home, and now I’m here.
A homecoming!
Yes, exactly!
So is drag something a lot of people want to do, or is it a career you tend to fall into?
I think it used to be that you would fall into it if you were, or are, a performer. Obviously, you have a set of skills which usually, for drag in the UK, would always be comedy, so you were a stand-up comedian, essentially.
In this country, of course, we have a lot of pantomimes and there’s always a dame, who is the heart and soul of any pantomime. The drag aspect of that comes from a discipline, or style, of acting called commedia dell’arte, which is essentially slapstick comedy. You’re never really meant to believe that they’re a woman, per se.
COMMEDIA DELL’ARTE
An early form of Italian stage show revolving around stock characters and plots, which developed into the English pantomime.
That’s why pantomime as a family show is really fun, because the kids know that it’s a bloke in a dress. It’s meant to be silly and funny, not political, as things these days tend to be. But a lot of people do fall into it.
A lot of times, as I say, I was doing a role in a musical and doing drag, and I realised that I was kind of good at it. But you don’t find your chops, as it were, as a performer in drag or comedy until you just do it on your own, something that’s not scripted.
So, that’s what I love to do: it’s to improv and try not to offend too many people… or not!
And does that kind of act get received differently in other countries?
Oh, definitely, yeah. Well, as I say I was just in Australia, but the clientele on the ship were predominantly American. So, I’d say 95% of them were from the US.
They have a very different idea of it: the comedy they got, my song choices and the material they totally got, but the humour is very different to ours. In the UK, and especially in old-school drag, I’d say, it’s very sarcastic, quick-witted, and intelligent. And the Americans’ sensibility for comedy is not quite as seasoned as ours.
Because compared to an English audience, even down to things like swearing, like if you use the wrong swear word in America, or for an American audience, they can get really offended. Yes – God – on the last shift, there was a lady, and I won’t say what… I’ll tell you what it is. (Whispers to me on the microphone) I used the C word, which is very common in this country, and very common in Australia, where we were. The English and the Aussies always swear. It’s part of our language, isn’t it? But the Americans don’t, really.
So, they can get offended just by a choice of words, which is a bit boring when you’re a comedian! But you just have to ignore it. Just because people are offended doesn’t mean they’re right.
So, using a slightly unreliable but wonderful machine that I call Google…
Google, yep!
… I hear you performed for royalty? How was that, and how was it to change your performance for that audience?
Oh, very different! So, the first time – I can’t say who was there, because you sign an NDA, but I performed for the British Royal Family at a hen party for one of the royals. It was the night before their wedding – again, I can’t say which one – but, yeah, really good.
Actually, I find that I often perform for another royal family from another country, a Middle Eastern country. Again, I can’t say who that is. But they love it. They’re very up for a party. The British royals were very much up for a party. They were wild! (laughs) In fact, I was quite shocked as to how much they loved it. But then I do an event literally here on the [York] Racecourse called Oktoberfest. We do it in October, obviously, and it’s a German beer festival. The audience there ranges from every type of person in York: it really is anyone and everyone. That’s an interesting event, because it’s 1,000 people, and there are various different ticket prices. There’s like VIP ones, you know, the posh ones. But actually, it doesn’t matter. As soon as I go out there, they are up for a party, no matter where they’re from.
I think if you’ve been on stage long enough and you’ve worked enough crowds, you know how to push certain buttons. It also comes down to things you say and when you say it, but also the music that you use. Tonight, I’m doing a set at 9:30 pm for an hour, and that set is all things that everyone loves. So sometimes artists try and pick, like, really cool choices or something different. Now, if it’s comedy and drag, pick songs that people fucking know!
(Pinches his shirt) I’m not wearing this later, because I’m dressed up and it’s ridiculous. I don’t take myself seriously like I’m any kind of specific gender. It’s just a way of expressing it.
But when it’s an audience, especially by the time we get to 9.30 pm, they will all have had several drinks, so you need to just play Queen, sing Queen songs; sing Tina Turner songs, Cher songs, things that everyone… We all grew up with it. You’re a lot younger than me, obviously, but your mum and dad will have listened to Cher and Tina Turner and Queen and Bowie. Even you know those songs – you still know the classic pop and rock songs.
So I always say, especially when giving advice to other up-and-coming acts: pick music that you know everyone is going to love, because it’s half the battle before you even begin.
“I think people are too offended all the time now, so fuck them! Offend them! Just be slightly offensive, because it’s fun.”
Velma Celli
And then just try not to offend too many people. I think people are too offended all the time now, so fuck them! Offend them! Stay away from gender and race, but just be slightly offensive, I think. Because it’s fun.
How do you sort of gauge what the audience is: what audience you’re playing to during the performance?
You know straight away; I know straight away. Well, usually what I’ll do is I’ll look out of the curtain. It’s different depending on the venue.
The cruise I was just on was really a super yacht, not a cruise. People were spending a minimum of US$40,000 for 10 days to be on the cruise. (My eyes pop out at the price) That was the cheapest ticket as well! It was very expensive. The first night with them, I had to really tune in to what they liked. One lady didn’t like the fact I dropped the C-bomb. But if we’re in England, I know it’ll go off.
“They wanted me on at 2 am. I was like, are you joking? I’m in my forties!”
VELMA CELLI
I picked material that I know they’re going to love, but I always look around the curtain, and you can always tell. See, they wanted me on [here] at 2 am. I was like, are you joking? I’m in my forties, obviously!
But you just look around the curtain. I always look around the curtain. I see who’s in. You can tell very quickly who’s going to be fun. I did Freshers’ Week for the University of York last year, and we’re going to do another version of it tonight. We did a dance-off with some lads. It sounds ridiculous, but it went crazy. So we’ll do that again tonight:nget the lads involved as well.
That’s the biggest tip: get the audience involved, because the audience is on your side then.
So what do you do in your spare time? How do you tend to relax, take your mind off it?
Oh, God, nothing showbizzy! No, God, no!
I love cooking. Cooking’s my thing. I grew up in Aitken, just there actually (points over the racecourse). I went to Oakland School, which is now called York High. I was there, and I always wanted to be a chef. Never wanted to be on stage, ever. It just kind of happened by fluke.
So what I do in my spare time is cook, because that’s my absolute passion. I love cooking.
What’s your favourite dish?
Well, I’ve actually just started my own company, called Velma’s Kitchen. That’s making desserts. Specifically cheesecakes at the moment. I make cheesecakes and sell them in my spare time. Yes, I love that. But I love cooking anything.
I mean, a good old traditional roast every Sunday. Every Sunday at 3 pm, it’s a glass of wine, and I start cooking my roast. It’s usually ready by 6 pm, and it’s my favourite three hours in the week, just in the kitchen.
My partner and I lived in a flat just over the road, and we had a big open-plan kitchen living space, which was great because it meant I could cook, and we could chat all the way through. But now we’ve moved to another place in town, and the kitchen’s separate, so it’s not as sociable as it used to be at cooking time! (laughs) But it also means that he can play, as he’s into his PlayStation, Xbox and stuff. So he does that now, whilst I cook.
Brilliant. So, what sort of advice would you give to students here who are up-and-coming in the performance and musical theatre industry?
That’s a good question. I would say to anyone – I think it’s a good rule of thumb for life – if you’re a performer, specifically, is finding yourself: never try to be anyone else. Because the most an audience will want from you is if you’re being authentic. If you’re not being authentic, they can see it a mile away. I mean, obviously, looking at me, I’m not authentic, because none of this is real! It’s all makeup and things.
But in terms of style of performance, it’s being completely authentic in yourself. And a good example of that would be that the best actors are never acting. So there are certain actors who are chameleons, that can shape shift and become very different people. Meryl Streep is a great example. Fassbender. He’s like a shifter.
But there are other actors that never… When you go to an audition or you’re in a rehearsal, you’re never really being someone else. You’re drawing on your own experience.
To tap into the character, you need to be kind of similar to them in a way. Because if it’s too far away, it’s not believable. So a lot of actors, the reason they’re so brilliant is they’re just relaxed. So never try to be anyone else.
Always find your own way of doing things. I want them to all have no voice by tomorrow, because they were screaming and partying. Just fun and escapism. For me, the best kind of entertainment doesn’t have to be fun; it doesn’t have to be happy. The best type of entertainment is escapism: if you can get an audience to completely lose themselves.
I’m on stage for an hour tonight. Maybe they’ve got trouble in their lives. Maybe they’re finishing uni and they’re going, “Shit, what am I doing with my life?” We’ve all got things in our lives that are constantly on our minds or we’re constantly stressed about. A great performance completely takes that away. So you’re just there with that performer or performers, and you escape life.
And it could be for an hour, or it could be a musical that lasts three hours, or it can be a stand-up comedian that’s on for ten minutes. If you can get them to completely switch off in real life, you’ve done your job.
On the subject of switching off, we stopped there. I went along to Velma’s performance on the night to see two floors of students pushed against the railing, engrossed, plus those on the dancefloor! Truly a spectacular night.