Beneath the Ray Bans and St Tropez that appear as soon as the sun begins to shine, there is a secret flash of terror on many female faces. For girls, summer often means one thing: bikini time. Almost every Sunday evening we find ourselves making desperate dashes to the vending machines for our final fix of chocolate before our diet begins the following morning. However, come Monday, there always seems to be an excuse that makes the impossible task of weight loss even more impossible. But here it is, our very best effort: our week of detox and diets to prove how easy it can be if you actually put your mind to it…
Monday
Shopping day: Twenty-seven weeks into the year it is becoming apparent that the amusement of being able to buy the things that our parents would always disallow us as children is unlikely to ever wear off… We did, however, begin with good intentions. We wheeled our trolleys to the fresh fruit, vegetable and salad sections, and as we were eyeing up the Innocent Smoothies, reality hit- it was going to be expensive to be healthy! Choc ices were on offer, though, as was candyfloss flavoured squash and bags of sweeties. We are students after all, and we do have to budget…
Tuesday
Essay Writing: In an attempt to protect our new purchases from wandering hungry hands in the kitchen, we had whisked our tasty treats away to our bedrooms. But, it would seem that our Jaffa Cakes, bourbons and marshmallows were no safer in our rooms than in our cupboards. We both found that a day which was meant to be spent writing essays swiftly became a day stuffing our faces. “It’s essential essay sustenance,” we lied to ourselves at the end of a long day of sitting in front of the computer and stuffing sugary treats into our increasingly pudgy faces.
Wednesday
Visitor: It had been eight weeks since we last shared a cuppa, so when my best friend from home came to visit for the day, the odd slice of cake was inevitable. We’d planned a relaxed day of catching up, shopping and coffee. And, I am very proud to announce that we stuck to our guns and managed to steer well clear of both Nag’s and Ziggy’s, avoiding the colossal calorie content of trebles. I am less proud to confess that, during the day we managed to have not one, but TWO picnics in the park. After indulging in hummus, ham, pitta bread and malt loaf, we decided that giant double chocolate chip cookies, chocolate topped rice crispy cakes and cherry beer were the only acceptable accompaniment to our much missed gossip session. As we lay in the sunshine, cackling with laughter and sharing childhood memories, we were blissfully oblivious to the fact that our denim shorts were growing ever tighter.
Thursday
Alcuin Summer ball: A selection of tapas for starters, healthy Spanish Chicken for main and Chocolate Fudge Cake for pudding. We had treated ourselves to this celebratory end of term gathering, and planned on enjoying ourselves. Unfortunately we were so overwhelmed at the endless supply of delicious starters that neither of us could eat our relatively healthy main course, but we did manage to find room for the fudge cake…and the slice of the poor girl we were sitting next to, who didn’t want hers…and that of the poor boy opposite us, who decided against his. Major fail. We waddled home at the end of the evening fully aware that we had sinned, but it would have been unfair of us to send the cakes back to the chef who had worked so hard, right?
Friday
Volunteering: Surely, there is no room for disaster here. At the end of a long week we took on the challenge of painting a mural in a primary school as this term’s volunteering project. No time for breakfast or lunch, so we ended up purchasing large quantities of sweets and ice cream as we waited for the bus at the end of the day; we had done a good deed, after all. It would appear that working in a school brings out the inner child however, as I have been snacking on sweets and craving chicken nuggets ever since…
Saturday
University events: The initial blow to our diet was struck by Alcuin College Fête. All day, near gale force winds wafted the mouth-watering scents of a whole fairground our way, while we sat at a table laden with sweets. At first, the tempting scents of popcorn, candyfloss, burgers and onions tickled our noses, then later our taste buds too. In the evening, attending the YUSU awards brought yet more calories our way. Free Pimms, followed by free wine, cheese, crackers, chocolate and lollipops destroyed all hopes of healthy eating.
Sunday
Parents Visit: I hadn’t seen my parents for roughly six weeks, so they wanted to treat me to some nice things. We paraded around the shops, snacked on ice cream, munched our way through a box of delicious chocolates I had bought my dad for Father’s Day, and then decided on a late lunch. Eating out in restaurants is a true luxury these days; I was overwhelmed at the choice so naturally went for the largest sounding item on the menu. It’s not every day that my parents visit, so I wanted to enjoy it and my parents wanted to make sure I was eating properly… if only they knew!
Monday
Harry Potter Muggle Soc Pudding Party Feast… need we say more?