We all have that ex that we want to get back with again. So do the stars. Here are some incredibly sane, thoughtful and subtle ways in which they dealt with break-ups. Your ex will come crawling back after trying these clever tips and tricks. Or they’ll run for the hills. Either or.
There’s surely no pop-star with a better pedigree for what to do about an ex than Britney Spears. If you want to ruin his life, as he’s ruined yours, then stock up on multi-coloured-wigs, with a preference for bright red and jet black if you have a sandy-blonde base and proceed to thwart his efforts at moving on at every stage by playing at secret agent and sabotaging him with sultry dance moves. If things get desperate you can always crack out the anaconda and crop-top, or the pig-tails and school uniform.
Comedy can be a strong point too – take onboard Katy Perry’s example and transform baked goods into bikinis and splatter him in whipped-cream to get him giggling and mad about you again. And sticky. Preferably also rope in your friends in fluorescent wigs and giant talking gummy bears and perform a vaguely ridiculous dance routine. Tasteful, classy and delicious.
P!nk’s strategy is always workable- set fire to your own hair, perform angry rock songs and destroy any future happiness that he could have by wrecking his wedding, starting fights with him in the road and chopping down trees near his house. Alluring, subtle and charming.
If you’re a bloke, you could always channel Justin Timberlake, and sing thinly-veiled insults in disguise as discourse about the weather. Do so in the rain, letting your clothing cling to your chiselled chest, preferably on a boardwalk facing the sea, or a river. Cry into it. Cry about how horrid she was. Cry outside her window. Video yourself crying and send it to her. Women like an emotional man- everyone fancies JT and it can’t be his dashing looks, awesome dance moves and sharp dress sense. Women hate that sort of thing.
Beyoncé has a veritable repertoire of break-up strategies: from wearing rhinestones and nude clothing and shaking your booty in the general direction of the object of your affections, to donning 1950s pin-up garb and polishing your collection of grammys, all the while lamenting “Why don’t you love me?”. Alternatively, blame the whole male gender and place yourself, unfavourably, in your ex’s position. My personal favourite is to look absolutely stunning in lingerie whilst weeping and drinking martini after martini. Alcohol and being fabulous are both answers. Let it all out, girl.
Finally,if you’re truly desperate for the attention, follow the Miley approach. Cry in his face, make out with a hammer, sit naked astride heavy machinery and knock down his house. No, we don’t know either.