The Lecture Hall Criminals

Count Tapula

You know the guy. Always brings his laptop to lectures, and boy, don’t you just know it. These individuals don’t so much use their laptops as play them like some creepy butler bashing an organ in a Hammer Horror flick. To run with the horror metaphor, the tapping, oh the tapping, ever so loudly rapping, echoing across the lecture hall, “If that bastard,” I mutter, “will not stop tapping, I fear I’ll have to end it all.”

 Compulsive Texter

Whether they’re posting selfies on Facebook, tweeting the lecturer’s latest cock-up to their six followers or snapchatting  “In a lecture,  lol” to their friend sat right next to them, these guys just can’t put their phone down for more than five seconds.  Although they have the common courtesy to silence them, they’re still vibrating away every five seconds, chainsawing their way through your concentration and driving you insane.

 The Sitting Dead

The person who really shouldn’t be here because from the amount of coughing and sneezing they’re doing, you wonder whether they’ll still be alive by the end of the lecture. Having infected half your coursemates and single-handedly laid the foundations for you to be bedridden for a month, they proceed to cough loudly over everything the lecturer says. While the more tolerant of you may admire their determination, most wish they’d just die quietly.

3 thoughts on “The Lecture Hall Criminals

  1. The inconvenient seat chooser…. sits on the end of the row when the rest of it is empty, making it awkward for everyone else on the row to get to their seat. Normally takes ages to pack away at the end of the lecture too.

  2. As a tall person I despise this view, my longs need more space this is why I sit on the end so I can dangle them out onto the stairwell. Normally I wear shorts too because I tend to wax my legs to give them a glorious sheen. But anyway yeah, dont hate the player, hate the game.

  3. The guy (always a guy) who earnestly nods his head or says ‘Mm’ throughout, as if to say ‘Although I of course already knew that, I approve of you making this point’. Almost as bad as the people who snort derisively whenever the powerpoint doesn’t load.

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