This piece may well put my future employability at risk, but that’s the reality of stigma towards mental illness in our society. I certainly never thought I’d end up writing this candidly about depression, anxiety, self-injury or suicide for my first piece outside of the relative safety of my mental health blog.
See, when I was first asked to write an article on living with mental illness at university, my first thought was to reiterate what has been said so many times before. After all, if we repeat a fact ad-nauseam then perhaps you’ll start to believe that we’re ‘just like you’.
But here’s the thing, I’m sick of being the one to educate you because it’s time you started educating yourself. Why do you need exhaustive details of the challenges I face on a daily basis, just so that you might start supporting the provision of even the most basic levels of care for people like me? Why must I be the one having a panic attack as I try to explain, in the most level-headed and objective of terms, that what you’re doing is putting people at risk? In fact, let’s be clear about that risk. It isn’t the risk that I might be a little upset or that I might need a long walk this evening or that I may take a coffee break. It’s the risk that I sever my ties to society, it’s the risk that I go back on medication which makes me physically sick, it’s the risk that my most self-destructive coping mechanisms show themselves. It’s the risk that when you wake up tomorrow morning; I don’t.
So when you force us onto a leave of absence only to withdraw the little support you offered then that’s the risk you need to take responsibility for. When you dismiss our concerns regarding an event you’re organising then that’s the risk you need to take responsibility for. When you cut mental health services by tens of millions and turn us away at A&E then that’s the risk you need to take responsibility for.
I refuse to take on the responsibility for your inaction any longer. If I think of how living with mental illness has affected me at university, I don’t think of giving you a dispassionate account of how I just take it a day at a time or that it’s somehow made me stronger. I think about the time I begged a doctor for help because I was terrified to be alone, only to be told they’d look at increasing my medication. I think of the time I told my supervisor I didn’t care anymore after he handed me a letter placing me on leave of absence on the day the year started. I think of the chest pains from yet another panic attack, of the empty bottles of whisky and the long nights which gave me my scars.
Yes, 1 in 4 of us might suffer mental health difficulties this year but that just means 3 in 4 of us will ignore them.
This is brilliant! Exactly what I would like to say about the way mental health is treated but better.