Magic mushrooms

There are many things in this world which can make life easier; sleep, wealth and dried mushrooms.
As a student the two former are a sort of dream that occurs during a lengthy stay in that glorious,
engaging book The Footnote: A Curious History, the latter’s presence however can make one exist in
such a manner that the absence of the former are overcome.

Simply I adore mushrooms. It makes the prospect of vegetarianism or even veganism vaguely
palatable if I can consume vast quantities of fungi. Sliced fine-to make them go further- fried in
butter (perhaps not vegan then) with a little salt and a lot of pepper, some bread, toasted or not,
and I’m someway to heaven. Albino white button mushrooms are fine, chestnut brown are better,
anything interesting after that, but the best to be had are got first thing on an autumn morning fresh
from the Elysian field. True Bliss if ever there was any. However, since we are poor all but the first
are struck off the list. It is to their credit that they can be a meal in themselves; mix a small handful
of breadcrumbs with a spring onion chopped fine and a little blue-cheese, stuff into the cavities of
the mushrooms, put into an oven-proof dish with a little water, enough to wet them a third up, and
bake for 15-30 minutes at 170C. If you’re being extravagant you could add some slivers of bacon or
ham.

We began by talking about dried mushrooms, and they are truly magnificently useful. In some places
they are frightfully expensive and frankly unaffordable for students, but a little goes a long way, in
others -namely Chinese Supermarkets- they are thoroughly more affordable, whilst you can you

should buy and build up a store cupboard to see you through the dark days of poverty. They can
be bought in greater bulk that in supermarkets and are certainly of no lesser quality. In the Chinese
Supermarket you will also find a better assortment. From Jew’s Ear cut into thin slivers and chewy
as gum through ordinary dried mushroom –which is the thing to get really- to potent shitake. The
Jew’s Ear once hydrated make a lovely stir fry it must be said however it does not make one’s life
easier. The ordinary dried kind do.

First off, in order to make them edible the shrivelled remains need to have boiling water thrown
over them, a pinch of mushroom to 150ml. If not starved of time then you can do a delightful
risotto; Rehydrate a good large pinch or so of dried mushrooms in a 300mls of boiling water, fry half
an onion, it does not even need to be in cubes half-moons are fine, in butter. Pour a handful of rice
per person in to the frying onion once it has gone translucent and coat the rice in the butter. Then
pour in a glug of something, the mushroom stock will be fine, stir and turn the heat down from five/
four to three on electric hobs. Thence keep adding the mushroom stock a glug at a time and stirring
until it has been adsorbed, continue Sisyphus like until the rice is cooked to your liking, somewhere
between 15-30 minutes.

Another very simple way with them is to rehydrate in large bowl, add some raisins, or any dried fruit
and some chopped nuts- you can buy this called trail-mix – add couscous enough to soak up the
water, a handful for every 100ml. If times are very bad then this can be a meal in itself. If times are
better then you can rehydrate first, thence fry some lardons of bacon, a little finely chopped onion if
you want, and the rehydrated mushrooms. Fry a little but you will not get far as they the pan will not
like the moisture. Then pour in enough stock to not quite cover the contents of the frying pan. Boil
hard and fast. The liquor should reduce to a no more than 2 tablespoons. This will make a relatively
pleasant pasta sauce, however if times are such that you can afford a frivolous display of vulgar
wealth more suited to a Russian Oligarch than an humble student then a tablespoon of cream can be
added with the heat turned down very low.

A final use is as a replacement of stock cubes. Dried mushrooms are not likely to go off. They will
provide a more interesting flavour and something else to eat in whatever you’re cooking. In a stew
they can add a depth which that makes the lack of sleep and money almost bearable.