How to celebrate results night

The big day is finally here – you’ve received your results, and you’re off to York! Congratulations; you’re officially a student of last year’s ‘University of the Year’, it’s time to move out and move on. You never have to see your class mates again, that ‘other-half’ who’s been annoying you all summer, or Sue from round the corner who insists you kiss her on the lips and call her Auntie.

You’ve hugged your parents, written a great Facebook status and now what? How do you actually spend the day and evening following this spectacular event? It might have been years since my Results Day, but here’s some handy tips…

DO – Tell your parents where you’re going; just because you’re their little Einstein off to University doesn’t mean you’ll survive the night without needing to be picked up out of the toilet at your (no longer) favourite bar. They also probably won’t judge you the way your new flatmates will when you do the same thing in Freshers Week. Take advantage of that.
DON’T – organise a big meet-up prior with all your friends, because some of them might not have done as well as expected and they probably don’t want to hear you boast.
DO – go to the local ‘A-Level Results Party’; mine was in Nottingham and it’s pretty cool to spend your evening with a thousand other people all celebrating their future.
DON’T – throw up on anyone you’re likely to see again, being ‘that guy who chundered’ is not the nickname you want for making good impressions.
DO – burst into spontaneous dance throughout the day. YOU’RE GOING TO UNIVERSITY! YOU’VE FINALLY GOT THERE! Dance like LMFAO, you deserve it!
DON’T – give ANYONE your number! Jeez, you’ve only got a month left at home and – believe me – nobody wants to take a three-week relationship into Fresher’s Week. There are plenty of ‘fish’ waiting for you..
DO – join your University’s Facebook Page (and your College…) as soon as possible, read their student newspaper (I see you’ve made it this far already, you clever creature) and start getting involved from the word ‘go’.

These will be the best three years of your life – you’re delaying unemployment for the next 3 years (unless you’re a Chemist, Engineer, Medic or other MA student…) and joining the ranks of one of the best educational institutions in Britain.
Drink sensibly, celebrate with your friends, and have an amazing night; you’ve got your whole future ahead. And, by ‘whole future’, we mean ‘thousands of ducks’. I hope you’re prepared…