Character Clash


Batman Vs Superman; it was inevitable that the Dawn of Justice would eventually arise in a scuffle between the top two DC darlings. We are forever indebted to Zack Snyder who stepped up to the plate to shed light on the much debated and seemingly unanswerable Friday night pub discussion point: who would win in a fight, a billionaire with a bat complex or an alien with remarkably chiselled features? But this just opens up a very violent can of cinematic worms; what other classic figures in the world of film must we see fight, preferably to the death? Let’s discuss.

Gandalf VS Dumbledore

This wizard duel brings with it much more than simply a pair of erudite centenarians featuring luscious beard action. It would pit ‘Potterheads’ against ‘Ringers’, and would incite war between Middle Earth, and, erm, regular Earth. A bloody battle indeed.  But we wants to see it! One could say Dumbledore demonstrates a much wider spell repertoire, and when thinking of Gandalf’s magic one often conjures an image of mere firework tomfoolery. Although, The G-man seems altogether more game for combat as he took on Saruman straight from The Fellowship of the Ring. OK, he doesn’t win, but he puts up a fight. But ever see any Balrogs around? No; Gandalf took care of it. Furthermore, Gandalf can update his colour to be a more threatening opponent. Don’t ask me the details on that.  

GANDALF WINS – Dumbledore crumbles under the intensity of doing shots (of the Potion of Despair) with Harry.  He couldn’t survive a Tuesday night in Kuda, let alone an afternoon with Gandalf.

Annie VS Oliver

Perhaps encouraging orphans to fight is frowned upon, but there is no one on God’s green Earth that can stop me from speculating who would win. This is the perfect fight, think about it: Annie has stubborn streetwise abilities, quick wit and a red-hot afro that won’t quit. Oliver seems to be overall, a pushover – maybe even an easy fight- but only a fool would believe he had spent all that time with Fagin and The Artful Dodger and not have learnt a thing or two about packing a punch. Furthermore, both of these kids have the most powerful weapon of all: a song in their heart. It’s a tough one to call, but the verdict is…

ANNIE WINS – Getting framed for Dodger’s crime suggests that Oliver’s reflexes just ain’t all that. Plus ‘Hard Knock life’ is a better orphanage tune than ‘Food Glorious Food’.

DiCaprio VS DeNiro

The DeNiro-Scorsese partnership reigned supreme over Tinsel Town from 1973’s critically acclaimed Mean Streets to 1995’s not as critically acclaimed but nonetheless classic, Casino. This fellowship was to create one of the most significant impacts on the history of American cinema. But in 2002, along came ‘Little Leo The Homewrecker’ with Gangs of New York. DeNiro was no spring chicken and Scorsese couldn’t be blamed for succumbing to DiCaprio’s boyish charms. They made sweet movie love and have so far birthed five well-received films including The Aviator and The Wolf of Wall Street. The beef between DeNiro and DiCaprio is clear.

DENIRO WINS – Yes, he’s in his early seventies, but as a method actor his fighting game is sure to be tip-top. Having boxed with Jake LaMotta in preparation for Raging Bull, he would blow Leo’s 41 year old body out of the water.