Dear Agony Aunt,
I am in love with Edmund but he doesn’t seem to notice me. He spends all his time mooning over Miss Crawford. I am sure that her intentions towards him are not honourable My feelings towards him are very intense and I don’t know if he will ever return them. I’m worried that the stress will turn me into an awful whining stream of consciousness that nobody really wants to read about. Please help me!
Yours,
Wistful, Mansfield Park
Dear Wistful,
I can see your predicament but I have skipped through to the last few pages and can assure you that everything will be JUST FINE. My advice for the moment is to man up and get a good hobby Try embroidery, reading, or maybe zumba. Anything to get your mind off of your own issues so that you can get over yourself and the plot can develop. Your life may feel like a mess right now but fear not – it’s Austen. Everything will be neatly tied up in the last ten pages. As for Edmund, I’m sure he’ll notice you in time but I can’t help wondering if it’s the fact that HE’S YOUR COUSIN that is putting him off. Also, if you’re worried about your stream of consciousness, I’ll give you the advice I gave to ‘Lonely in Rivendell’ just last week, take a walk and describe some mountains, and – if in doubt – sing a little song to fill a few pages.
Yours,
Agony Aunt