Dear Agony Aunt,
I am really deeply concerned about my friend, Toad. Sure, he has no self control and he’s clearly got some strange form of depression which prompts his manic episodes, but there’s an underlying issue that I really need some help with.
To give you some context, we all live here in the pleasant rural countryside. I live in a lovely little mole hole, Ratty lives in the bank of the river, and Badger lives in a pleasant little burrow in the woods. We are all prone to our little bouts of “human-style” activities, picnics and wearing slippers and such, but what concerns me is Toad. We all live in our natural habitats, more or less but Toad lives in a manor house. I have watched my fair share of David Attenborough documentaries, and as far as I can see, the natural habitat of a toad is not a post-Tudor Mansion.
Please assure me that this is a perfectly normal narrative device, and will not disturb the verisimilitude of our story.
Anxious, the picturesque British countryside.
Dear Anxious,
You are completely correct; it is not natural for a toad to be the sole resident in a house that the National Trust probably can’t wait to get their history preserving mitts on. This confusion of habitats could be the underlying issue which is prompting him to behave so bizarrely. However, if you and your friends are wearing slippers and eating picnics, then I can see why he might have gotten confused.
I do have another concern. You all seem to be known by names which simply echo your species; does this not get confusing? Perhaps by developing a system of nicknames you will be able to speak to other characters who may turn up who are also Moles, Rats, Badgers and Toads?
I think by developing a simple structure like this, you can give Toad the basis he needs to fully integrate himself into society, and perhaps he can start to live in his own natural habitat. As for disturbing the verisimilitude, I think it was pretty much disturbed as far as possible when you, a mole, wrote me a letter.
Yours
Agony Aunt