Another summer’s hard grafting, in order that I might just afford this year’s rent, and you can imagine why I’m pretty excited about coming back to Uni. Four hours a week contact time, lying in past midday when work just seems out of the question, a decent set of mates to go out and get shitfaced with whenever we want; yes it’s easy to see why the grass is definitely greener in York. But for the freshers it’s something almost entirely new. The most anticipated week of their year is finally here, as they set out to begin their student life. Yet, call it old age wisdom or Miserable Old Bastard Syndrome if you’d rather, but I can’t help but feel that this year’s Freshers’ Week is going to be a let down, just like its predecessors.
All week freshers will be bombarded by ticket sellers from YUSU and the Colleges, then rounded up like sheep into dimly lit venues, which strongly resemble their college bars with a few balloons jotted about the place, then forced to listen to shit acts, like some bloke who auditioned for Pop Idol in 2002 or some posh Berk from Eton who thinks he’s some kind of MC. People talk a lot about a drinking problem within youth culture, but how else do you propose our freshers should get through this crap and still manage to have a semi-good time?
Before writing this article, I decided to do some research; god-forbid I make some outlandish claim without backing it up. When I found out who was playing the Fresher’s Ball, I have to admit I was impressed that they’d booked Wiley. But then when I imagine him actually playing the Ball, I can’t help but see a load of tossers in the audience giving their watches to girls during ‘Wearing My Rolex’ and I literally cringe at the thought of being anywhere near such a scene. (My housemate actually tried this with a girl and still managed to pull her. Honestly, what is society coming to?) As for the other acts, its more of the same from the last few years: Eoghan Quigg, the High School Musical loving, X-Factor gimp, whose face I could never get tired of punching, and Paper Heroes, some other indie pop dribble for the cardigan-wearing, NME reading masses to swallow whole, like everything else that’s fed to them.
Then comes the whole STYC system. I can see that the intentions behind having STYCs are good. It is nice to have someone to welcome you, show you where your room is, offer you a beer and give you some good advice on the nightlife. There is, however, an inherent problem with the system. The colleges rely on second and third years to be decent, trustworthy human beings (shame on them). I recall several incidences last year of freshers passing out by 8pm on their first night because their STYCs had told them that not eating was the best way to get pissed quickly.
I realise by this point that some of you may be regretting your decision to enrol here at York, but it’s not my intention to scare people away. Despite what I’ve said, I did still have a good time on my freshers week and I’m sure most people will this year. The thing I resent is being told that freshers week will be the best week of your life, because in reality it doesn’t even come close. The second and third weeks of the term are much better, because you’ve settled down, met some decent people and have much more choice as to what you want to do with your time at York. So my message is this: keep your chin up and persevere the dodgy events… it really does get a lot better.