Dear Agony Aunt,
I have this really massive crush on this girl, Elizabeth Bennett. She’s like incredibly hot, and she’s even intelligent! I tried to play it cool at first, but I think I just looked like a bit of an idiot, and I’m fairly sure she thinks I was trying to insult her.
She’s…poor, and I’m really rich, so I’m almost certain that she’d have to say yes if I asked her to marry me, but that doesn’t seem like a great basis for a relationship. Every conversation we have seems to be loaded with double meanings, not to mention the fact that she keeps hanging about with the arrogant flea bag who tried to elope with my sister. I just want her to see the real me, because I’m really quite a fun guy! I have been thinking about trying a few puns or maybe showing her my Stephen Fry impression?
I am really hoping you will help me to find a way to show her how I really feel!
Proud in Derbyshire
Dear Proud,
I had a quick look through the book, and the BBC TV series, and the film, in which you are the romantic lead and really don’t worry – women love you. You’re dashing and smouldering, so whatever you do, don’t break the illusion by punning or doing an impression of Stephen Fry (who is apparently now so much of an icon that even people in the 18th Century know who he is.)
If you want to make someone laugh, just throw a few one liners to your good friend Mr Bingley, he looks like he loves a good giggle.
Now about Elizabeth: just wait a couple hundred pages and she’ll see your house. Nothing attracts a young woman like a massive country house with loads of servants and portraits and stuff. After the seed has been planted, then you get in there by helping her family out of a difficult situation. Romantic as hell!
Go for it, Darcy, you’re a legend.
Yours
Agony Aunt