When seeking out the next big things for 2010, it’s easy to get side tracked by the truly awful music about to hit the mainstream. So, note the following acts down, and be sure to stay away from them until they undoubtedly fade into obscurity again.
What is the current obsession with UK urban artists with no discernible talent or credibility but youth and an Ndubz collaboration on their side? It seems that illegal downloading has scared record companies into thinking the only potential revenue will be through ringtone sales. Or so it seems with the current influx of young artists aimed at secondary school kids. And 2010 will be no different as the Brapp pack generation of Ndubz and co welcome in a few new additions.
First up is Fugative, a 15 year old ‘gangster’ with a penchant for (pocket) money, cars (can’t drive yet), and girls (still underage). Known to his mum as Harry, he looks like one of the spoilt bratty kids on Super Sweet 16 who got a recording contract instead of a car. Whilst his clothes suggests he has raided Sports Direct and chosen all the shiniest stuff, his music is nothing more than ridiculously idiotic and superficial lyrics over a polyphonic ringtone. Yet somehow the youtube hits have racked up and secondary school kids seem set to propel this talentless parody of Vanilla Ice into mild success this year.
Another teenager expected for big things this year is Daisy Dares You. Aimed at teenage girls who find Dappy a tad menacing, 16 year old Daisy Coburn is a budget Lily Allen with the jaw of David Coulthard and the singing voice of Janet Street Porter. Her upcoming release of ‘Number One Enemy’, a collaboration with Chipmunk, will give her some credibility with teenage fans. But for anyone with ears, it will be another excuse to keep away from the Radio One playlist for the next year.
Ever wanted a Skins version of Miley Cyrus singing Avril Lavigne b-sides with a grating nasal voice? Nope, me neither. But that’s what the US has to offer with Ke$ha who is a serious contender in Daisy Dares You’s quest for the shittest kiddy punk-pop. Ke$ha has a headstart already with a US number one album, ‘Animal’. So who will win? Certainly not music.
Even alternative music is suffering an extreme lack of originality. The 2010 lists are littered with indie bands offering a couple of decent tunes and a distinct lack of originality. Favourites of NME, The Drums debut single ‘Let’s Go Surfing’ is an indie anthem with whistling. Wow, what a novelty, we haven’t had anything of that sort since Peter Bjorn & John… two years ago. The hype is sure to dissolve when everyone realises they are a just a Cure covers band with a cool Californian aesthetic.
And if you haven’t been depressed enough, listen to Stornaway. Loved Fleet Foxes? Not content with Mumford & Sons? Want yet another band of bearded tramps playing folk? Stornaway offer more of the same and will soon be back busking in Bournemouth.
So, excited about music in 2010? With this lot, you shouldn’t be, but the four bands on the left should be enough to give some hope for 2011.