Column: Lorenzo Wong

Felix Magath


Jon Barrow and I pretend that we’re enthusiastic about attempting an informative piece:


Should we be excited about sport at the university this year?

Yes (LW): A new Olympic size velodrome, a new JLD, a new college and a new sport in the form of VX makes this year more exciting than most.
Whether it be at collegiate or university level, any involvement in what the Sport Union has to offer will definitely be worth your time.
A particular event worth getting excited about is next year’s Roses, when we will host and compete with the best sport Lancaster University has to offer.
No (JB): I have an Xbox and access to Sky Sports…


Is joining a sport club a key part of the university experience?

Yes (LW): Absolutely… well, given that I’m yet to find my sport club calling, I’m obliged to say that trying will do.
I signed up to a load of taster sessions at the start of the year and though one thing did not lead to another, trying a new sport, and one you may not be able to do anywhere else, could prove to be a good escape from the stresses of studying.
From abseiling to Octopush, the University has something for you.
No (JB): Only if scouting campus talent counts as a sport.


Can I join a sports society without knowing anything about the sport?

Yes (LW): Yes, you can, and yes, I am running out of ideas for questions.
At the very least, sports societies here will pretend they’re not cliquey and reluctantly welcome you with open arms.
But in all seriousness, that’s extremely rare here. You could turn up to a polo session without knowing that the sport involves riding a horse.
It’s important that you don’t limit yourself to things you think you’re comfortable with, but at the same time, don’t feel obliged to keep something up which you find you aren’t enjoying.
No (JB): If you don’t know, don’t go.


Should I have asked someone other than Jon to do this article with me?

Yes (LW): If no one decides to try a university sport after reading this, probably.
No (JB): This article would be nothing without my input.


Any last words? Something motivational? A play on words which proves witty but at the same time thought-provoking?

Yes (LW): A wise man at a Russell Group university open day once told me, if you go to university and leave it with a First and nothing else, you’ll have wasted your time. (Boom.)
No (JB): No.



I’ve seen some strange sports stories in my time, but this one might just be the barmiest of the lot.

Having been axed by Fulham Football Club after a torrid seven months, German manager Felix Magath doesn’t seem to be getting much respite from the British tabloids. The former Bayern Munich gaffer has often raised eyebrows for his brutal training regimes and questionable choice of spectacles, but not even the lucky bastard who put a fiver on Leicester City to beat United 5-3 could have predicted ex-Fulham captain Brede Hangeland’s recent revelation.

The big Norwegian claims that Magath interrupted his appointment with the club physio to treat an injured thigh, demanding that a block of cheese soaked in alcohol be used to address the niggle. With such ground-breaking physiology available to Fulham, we can only wonder why Hangeland decided to leave for Crystal Palace a few months later. (Cue everyone telling me that Fulham released him. I’m trying to be funny, so just go with it.)

I, for one, admire Mad Magath’s audacity and commitment to his wife’s spiralling-out-of-control fetishes. Perhaps if Roy Hodgson started getting Rooney and Sturridge to cover themselves with Babybels soaked in whisky, we’d compete with Felix’s Germany in international competitions. And perhaps if I’d placed a few of Derwent catering’s chicken kievs on my arse cheeks instead of consuming them, the experience would have been more enjoyable. Mere speculation, I suppose.



I wrote an article about Octopush in the last issue, and now it seems my superiors want another piece on it. Heck, I’ll probably be running for Octopush Editor soon… though perhaps I’ll go for deputy at first, ease my way into things.

In all seriousness, it’s a sport which all you Freshers should know about and have a crack at. Combining swimming, snorkelling, and hockey, Octopush certainly isn’t for the faint-hearted (as I unfortunately found out during my taster sessions). However, club president Victoria Wilkinson was quick to point out to me how easy it was to feel at home shortly after joining the society: “Octopush fitted my needs perfectly – a relaxed club where you don’t need to have played before and where it’s more about spreading awareness about the sport than about being the best club.”

Even then, Octopush scooped up Most Improved Sport at the York Sport dinner. Joining the local Yorkshire league and taking part in their first Roses were big strides towards becoming one of the most popular sports on campus, and Wilkinson reveals that there’s more to come: “Our biggest plan for next year is to go to Germany next Easter to play a match against a team that was set up by people who used to play at York.”

Clearly, there’s a lot to look forward to in the world of Octopush at York. Mark my words. No, please do. I refuse to write another one of these.