Pippa Middleton is just the latest in a long line of err, “celebrities” who, following some sort of grand epiphany, have discovered their hidden talent for writing. She claims to find her new found fame “on account of [her] sister… and [her] bottom” a little startling, poor love, but despite the “upsides and downsides”, Pippa “tends to concentrate on the advantages, one of the most attractive which has been the chance to publish Celebrate”. Definitely not capitalizing on her sister’s marriage then.
Middleton’s first publication is a “comprehensive guide to home-entertaining” and promises to “reveal the secrets to hosting a successful party.” Considering her family’s background in the entertainment business, a guide divulging tricks of the trade seems a recipe for success. Somewhere, something went horribly wrong. Take a pensive-looking Pippa Middleton, throw in snapshots of over-Instragram-ed meals, not forgetting photographs of other people’s children et viola! Welcome to the prelude of Celebrate.
Once inside, the book is aesthetically well thought out, with appealing fonts and a sensible format; each major celebration of the year has its own selection of recipes and helpful hints, ranging from Easter and Halloween to Birthdays and Summer Barbeques. So far so good. Halloween is the first holiday Middleton tackles and her selection of spooky cocktail ideas and a recipe for butternut squash lasagne do look appetising, and are easy follow. Her ideas for party entertainment are even easier, suggesting telling ghost stories, bobbing for apples, face painting and dressing up. Genius! The hints don’t end there: in her “Cosy Supper Party” section, Pippa’s tips include greeting your guests and offering them a drink. I’m so glad I read this book because prior to this I’d been rugby tackling my guests as they walked through the door and offering them a complimentary nipple-tweak before dinner.
The next festive holiday tackled is Bonfire Night, where Middleton tells her readers to create a bonfire away from trees and anything flammable, and divulges the secrets to making a good Guy – get old clothes and stuff with newspaper or straw. Gosh darn, she’s safety confess AND creative. So creative is she in fact that in her section about Easter she suggests hosting AN EASTER EGG HUNT. #OMG. And for a children’s birthday party, PASS THE PARCEL. Where does she get these ideas from?!
Miss Middleton assures her readers that hosting a good party “needn’t leave you alarmingly out of pocket” and her budgetary approach shows in the Christmas section where her recipes for canapés include pheasant goujons and quail’s egg croustades, followed by her Valentines’ Day recipe for gravadlax with dill mustard sauce, all ingredients people clearly have lying about in their cupboards.
Pippa’s book has a fundamentally good concept, helping people with those all-important finishing touches and injecting some wow-factor. It’s just a shame she’s so unbelievably patronising about it. In her section on Birthday Tea’s, I’m not lying here, she actually tells people how to make ice-cubes. Thaaanks Pippa, now I can has cold drinkz all the time *licks battery*. For an RRP of £25, I wouldn’t be surprised if this book makes its way into the Sale section by December. I suggest Miss Middleton sticks to maintaining her pert posterior.
Other ‘Celebrities’ jumping on the publishing band wagon:
Katie Price – glamour model turned novelist. Miss Price published the first of her four novels in 2006. That’s right, four novels. Katie Price. Just, what.
Nicole Richie – Her first novel The Truth About Diamonds peaked at #32 in The New York Times Best-Sellers List.
Ollie Locke – The Made In Chelsea star is set to publish his first tell-all book titled Laid In Chelsea. Not sure if this is pure trash or pure brilliance.