Dear Auntie Rachel, what if I just can’t make friends?
Making friends in freshers’ is easy. Almost too easy. In those first few weeks you’ll find that everyone is so eager that you’d have to be either incredibly threatening looking or Rebekah Wade to avoid making some superficial friendships. Just by heading out on any bar crawl/games night/ pub quiz you are tacitly agreeing to make small talk with a tipsy rah flashing some cheeky naval in a cut-off college t-shirt. This hyper-friendliness is all part of the freshers’ week spirit and as long as you avoid the third years who are unapologetically on the prowl for “fresh meat”, you should end up socialising like your life depends on it.
When the dust clears and everyone starts attending lectures, nursing their freshers’ flu and a couple of new STIs, it might get a little lonelier. Perhaps you’re starting to feel that you don’t actually have that much in common with the super-eager self-appointed “sister from another mister” who attached themselves to you, limpet-like, during freshers’ and is already talking about moving in together “just the two of us, quiet like” in second year. Odds are that the first people you gravitate towards will not end up being your friends for life; it takes time to find someone who you genuinely click with.
The best way to make friends is to join a society. Freshers’ Fair gives plenty of opportunities to sign up for copious mailing lists, but try not to get sucked in by the rhetoric: I’m still receiving emails from the Slavic Society despite a distinct lack of engagement with Eastern European culture, simply because the girl running the stand looked like she might cry if I declined. York deservedly has a great reputation for student activities. There are around 150 active societies at York covering all aspects of performing arts, politics, culture, sport and, of course, media. Or consider getting involved in RAG (Raising and Giving) or running for a position within your college.
If you’re still feeling lonely ask yourself honestly: can’t or won’t? It sounds harsh, but making friends is about making an effort. Put down that empty can of Tizer, get out of your room and get your face out there. Otherwise, you might as well save a few grand and enrol in the Open University.