Sing When You’re Winning

When I was sat in the stands at the Huntingdon stadium for last year’s big Roses rugby contest I was struck by one thing in particular. Our chants really are quite shit. To start with, none of them are longer than two words. Apparently the most imaginative thing the young minds of this supposedly world beating academic institution can come up with is shouting “Yorkshireeeeee” over and over again in a low drawl, or chanting “White Rose! White Rose!” with some kind of mock Yorkshire inflection clearly not possessed by the overwhelming majority of the crowd in their regular speaking voices.

We should really sort this out. This is a contest based on a 15^th century dynastic conflict for Christ’s sake! We can do better than this York, we should expect better than this, and it’s with that in mind that I have had a go at coming up with a few tenuously historical alternative Roses sing songs to level at our Lancastrian counterparts this weekend:

The Lament of King Henry VI

(To the tune of “Daydream Believer”)

Cheer up King Henry,

Oh what can it mean,

We did your son at Tewkesbury,

And drove out your Queen

 

You Killed King Richard (And Put Him Under a Parking Lot)

(To the tune of “Big Yellow Taxi”)

You killed King Richard,

And put him under a parking lot,

But we’re frankly a lot better than you at sport,

Now don’t it always seem to go,

That you don’t know that you’ve lost till we’ve won,

But you did kill King Richard,

And put him under a parking lot

 

We Kicked Your Arse at Towton

(To the tune of god knows what)

We kicked your arse at Towton,

We made Duke Edward King,

Never mind what happened later,

That was a pretty good day

 

We kicked your arse at Towton,

Your army really sucked,

Lord Fauconberg outranged your archers,

And you got pretty Fauc-ed