Dear Agony Aunt,
I was left at the altar. It’s been a few weeks and I really feel like I should take off this dress and do something proactive. I can’t stay like this forever! Sounds like something from a Carol Ann Duffy poem. I have moments when I’m ready to forget the past, get myself some new clothes and meet a new guy! But I also have moments when I think there’s no point in anything and I should stay in my dress and make life miserable for everyone else.
I don’t know what path I should chose: revenge on my ex by getting super hot, or revenge on all males.
Yours.
Unstable, Satis House
Dear Unstable,
Take the dress off and move on!
To hell with your ex! What does he know?
Go out there and get yourself some new gear and then hit the town. Nobody will remember some douche ditching you at the altar if you turn up in a deep red satin number and dance the night away! Don’t waste your life on some guy who clearly has no taste at all!. Also, if you’re reading this whilst wearing your smelly old wedding dress, please move away from any naked flames! You don’t need a man to be yourself.
Have fun and don’t subject us to what is possibly the most depressing narrative since Macbeth!
Yours,
Agony Aunt