My mummy (don’t hate) recently bought me an eyebrow kit. Now, before this, I’d never really touched my eyebrows because I was blessed with slightly bushy yet relatively neat little things that my fringe basically covered anyway, and I figured that if I wore enough catflicky eyeliner and a badass attitude, no one would notice.
Guys, this stuff is like crack. But good for you. And makes your face look nice. So not really like crack. Overpluck your eyebrows? Well, you’re in luck. You can draw new ones on. Can’t be arsed to pluck them? Drawing them on makes it look like you have (unless you’re cursed with a really dark, bushy monobrow in which case, I’m sorry, sugar but out come the tweezers and the tears.)
I’m being serious. Cara Delivigne has the right idea. No matter how shit your hair looks and how little makeup you have on (sorry fellow feminists, I am a proud makeup fanatic), if you have good eyebrows it doesn’t matter. As an Essix Geerl once said to me ‘the eyebrows are the scaffolding of the face’. And having defined eyebrows brings out your cheekbones and makes you look HOT.
Also, because of Cara, you can fuck up your eyebrows as much as you like and make them look as weird and dark as you want whilst you practice because that shit is fashionable at the moment. No joke. Just wear a stupid hat and say you want to look like her if you ruin them and have no time to take them off.
I don’t even need to do a tutorial. Drawing them on is easy. I personally have a little brush and make them really dark and sharp looking (see picture. No I have not plucked them and yes they are a little scruffy up close but the only people that will get as close to my face as this picture are the people I possibly get with in Willow and let’s face it, it’s too dark in there and they don’t care what brand your eyebrow pencil is). I model them on Alex from Orange is the New Black but I can’t be bothered to pluck them so I make them a bit thicker and therefore realllly thick and sharply defined at the front. Yes, I do model my look on a fictional heroin-smuggling lesbian criminal. Bite me.
Before you all get antsy in the comment section about how I am being sexist by not including men, you are so, so wrong. You guys are the biggest eyebrow culprits ever. Do you think that because you have XY chromosomes you can go around with the eyebrows of Tarzan and women will fall at your feet? Tarzan earned those eyebrows by being a hot cartoon. Are you a hot cartoon? Thought not. Book yourself a waxing appointment and get rid of that monobrow. It’s the least you can do when women are pouring hot wax on their privates for the benefit of the male gaze.
Seriously. Draw them on a little. Who cares if it makes you ‘look gay’, firstly that’s a little homophobic and the amount of women who have said to me that they wished boys looked better- like a ‘stereotypical’ gay man even, should convince you that being comfortable with your sexuality is a turn-on. Maybe don’t go with the heroin-smuggling dominatrix look just yet. It’s hard to carry off without eyeliner and perfect skin- which again, men don’t have. Buy a bottle of cleanser, and a stick of concealer, it won’t kill you. Us ladies have been smearing it on since we were fourteen.
So there you have it. Eyebrows should be as sharp as your wit and as filled in as your social calendar. The lesbian dominatrix look is underrated and men are not exempt. Enjoy your new-found sass, it cost as much as your eyebrow pencil, so really it was a bargain.
I loved this article, can’t wait to read more like it in the future!