Welcome to the Gaming Cookbook where we tell you the finest ingredients that go into your favourite gaming genres. In fact we’re so popular, it’s likely most games you’ve played use this recipe! Today we’ll be making Fighter’s Pie, a particularly speacialised dish that serves two players (and ONLY 2. The Smash Bros 4-Tier cake is a different dish entirely). For this you’ll need:
1 Female martial artist from the Orient with a habit for screeching
1 Ridiculously-muscled wrestler that probably eats steroids for breakfast
1 Extremely skinny male that you’ll mistake for a girl until years later
1-3 20-year-old karate experts with ‘back stories’ that no one cares about
1 Character included for no reason other than to act as a model for pornography sketches by depraved fans
1 Character that’s useless in every way, and you’ll only choose if you’re really drunk.
To prepare:
1) Create a hackneyed plotline that involves a tournament of some description.
What the prize is, and why anyone would even want to enter doesn’t matter.
2) Combine the back stories of some of the characters to create a silly, if not
asinine, reason for anyone to actually be competing (aside from winning the
tournament of course).
3) Throw all ingredients into a Character Select screen and stir vigorously. Add irritating, but amazingly catchy, music to taste.
4) Place characters in a location that’s either extremely dangerous, is in a
place likely to get you arrested, or both.
5) Spend 10 minutes reading about the complicated, in-depth controls and
‘Dynamic Explosive Special Move’ system.
6) Mash buttons randomly as characters flail about on screen like marionettes
on Speed.
Serve to your hapless friend with a side order of whup-ass. Enjoy.